This year for Halloween we’ve had VR horror porn (Latest Picks 22nd October 2018) and while most are still somewhat unconvinced teledildonics is the future of sex, inevitably from CamSoda, ever keen to jump on any given seasonal or otherwise bandwagon, comes:
EXCLUSIVE: Spice up your Halloween with this secret sex toy—it’ll scare you rigid (mirror.co.uk).
If Halloween gets your horny then Camsoda has the perfect product for you—the Holloweenie. Designed to spice up all sorts of activities, the Holloweenie fits around your spooky sausage to give you internet-connected pleasure.
For those at home with the conversational euphemistic “spooky sausage” seemingly confirming the story’s witty standfirst of it being “a way for adults to enjoy themselves without tooth decay” and for those not and needing further explanation:
Here’s how it works—you pop your chap into the sleeve and it can then be paired with a partner’s connected dildo. Pressure data is sent from the female unit to the male one giving a supposedly sex-like feel.
But again the euphemistic “chap” with which the middle-aged and elderly UKipper might perform still perhaps not anatomically enlightening enough for some:
Sleeves like this are designed to add a little bit of length and girth to your penis. Making sex a bit different for both parties too. So solo or with a partner there’s some fun for everyone on offer here.
So basically a spooky “sleeve”—but not like the ones on said UKipper’s tan coloured coat (bbc.co.uk, Apr. 2015) despite both having a knob inside—and being “paired with a partner’s connected dildo” having the mystically awesome ability the to transmit sensations over the internet with the ever-rigid power of “teledildonics”, and with some extra surprises:
Camsoda claims it’s smaller and more discrete than other competing sleeves. The attraction of that is that it can be worn underneath your Halloween outfit for some extra fun.
“Smaller and more discrete” usually being a descriptive selling point of Ann Summers rather than “squirt it like I mean it” and “tokens to put the 10 inch in my ass” camgirling CamSoda is renowned for and perhaps leaving some in fear of opening door to adult trick or treaters tonight.
And with added bonus for those with a liking for surrendering control:
There’s also a ghost mode, which switches the toy so that it can be controlled by anyone within a mile anonymously. The company says this works via Bluetooth, but the real-world range is likely to be much less than that.
Exactly how that works being a question perhaps best not posed when Pennywise the Clown at your door starts making weird transmitted sensations noises when your neighbors Bluetooth doorbell rings, especially if now hopping on one leg having seemingly opted for the connected dildo rather than the Halloweenie penis sleeve now disconcerting five people in the lift going up to the 4th floor with Fortnite Skull Trooper (Latest Picks 3rd Oct. 2018).
But if having doubts that teledildonics can bring you closer in a long distance relationship on Halloween, take heart from a woman who as found love even further away, on the afterlife other side to be precise:
Well, more “more satisfying” than Bluetooth failure to connect Halloweenie teledildonics at least, and consummated her relationship with her current phantom beau—having already had 20 lovers from beyond the grave—on the flight back from a working trip to Australia.
On the plane, as she fastened her seatbelt, she felt the presence of her lover and says: “I couldn’t believe it.
“I was happy and excited—so excited that we had to do something about it. So we headed to the plane loo and, well, I am now a member of the Mile High Club.”
Contraception not so much an issue though over clothes ectoplasmic load spillage in airplane bog might and with said phantom beau returning nine months later to pop the question last week at the Wookey Hole caves tourist attraction in Somerset, reminding neither would ever have to sleep in the bed’s wet patch.
Amethyst claims that the phrase “Will you marry me?” echoed around the cave. She says: “It’s hard to explain but, until that point, his words were inside my head. But, on that day, the words were outside.”
The conversation in certain clinical situations as to where the “voices” are coming from often of some significance.
She says the couple are now in the process of choosing a ring, but have not decided what kind it will be.
But we can assume perhaps it will also be ectoplasmic if not entirely phantom too but the plan being to hold a Pagan “handfasting” ceremony, “in which their hands are tied together, symbolising their connection” somewhere in the English countryside, presumably when a solution for tying the bond stays to his phantom hand during is found.
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- Halloween costume shockers: ‘Dirty Old Man’, ‘Groping Granny’ and Oscar Pistorius ‘Blade Runner Gunner’ (Latest Picks 17th October 2018)
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- Fortnite Halloween costumes and ‘weak’ Social Media Influencer costume that’s just leggings and a bra (Latest Picks 3rd October 2018)
- Dress up as your failed relationship this Halloween with PartyCity Womens Ghosted Costume (Latest Picks 26th September 2018)
- Yandy removes sexy The Handmaid’s Tale costume (Latest Picks 24th September 2018)
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