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Pick of the week

Pick of the week

5th March 2013

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Here's my grab-bag pick of last weeks best celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment sexiness, & just plain quirky stories and pictures. A weekly round-up for busy pervs! There's pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely saw your boobs too.

No responsibility is taken for the content of any external websites to which links may lead. All links are verified safe with McAfee Site Advisor when posted.

This weeks stories & pics

Tulisa Contostavlos axed from the X Factor
Tulisa axed from the X Factor. So where did it all go wrong? Having seen that tape, is Simon just sulking over what he missed out on?
Tulisa Contostavlosaxed from X Factor. Where did it all go wrong?

Tulisa Contostavlos was axed from X Factor. Where did it all go wrong? (tv.uk.msn.com).

"According to The Sun, a source said: 'To say Tulisa is gutted is an understatement. She's a bit embarrassed to be on the scrapheap when she delivered with Little Mix.'"

So where did it all go wrong? Outshone by Nicole Scherzinger's ‘Jahmazing's’, drown in Rylan Clark's tears, or all too much of a Little Pick 'n' Mix? Or having seen that tape, is Simon sulking over what he missed out on?

Tulisa taking her baps as takeaway from London's Nobu Berkeley Restaurant

Here's Tulisa taking her baps as takeaway from London's Nobu Berkeley Restaurant (hawtcelebs.com).

Recent/related stories:

Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Seth MacFarlane Oscars

Was Seth MacFarlane's Oscars 2013 a ‘self-indulgent flop’ or just what the Family Guy does? (theweek.com).

"[…] between his ‘racist jokes, adolescent boy humor, silliness on the topic of domestic abuse, a Kardashian reference,’ and excessive use of pre-taped bits, MacFarlane wasn't the ‘elegant showman’ the Oscars demand."

What did they expect—did they not know what his humour was when they booked him?

Kristen Stewart we saw your boobs in On The Road

The Current Bun, bless 'em, courteously provided the best boobie bits from Seth's "We Saw Your Boobs" Oscars song (thesun.co.uk) …

Olivia Munn Vanity Fair Oscar Party side-boob

And Olivia Munn tried her best to show hers at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party with enough side-boob to make Peter Griffin proud (hotcelebshome.com). Hah! We nearly saw your boobs!

Kim Kardashian sex tape almost lost in Vivid Entertainment fire

Kim Kardashian sex tape almost lost in Vivid Entertainment HQ fire (thesun.co.uk).

"THE red-hot unedited version of Kim Kardashian's world-famous sex tape narrowly escaped being destroyed in a blaze."

In case you didn't know, rumour has it that the unedited master contains the infamous golden shower scene between Kim and Ray J that she negotiated to keep out of the Vivid release.

Kim Kardashian black and white dress

And this must be from master tailor, Kayne (thesuperficial.com).

No, I'm not quite sure where he's going with that either.

Recent/related stories:

Yup, baby-bump Kim Kardashian is going to be gigantic (Pick of the Week, 4th February).
Nicki Minaj pasties covered boobs in new music video

Nicki Minaj flashed pasties covered boobs in new music video (egotastic.com) …

Mariah Carey nip slip at So So Def Anniversary

And Mariah Carey slipped a nip at So So Def Anniversary (gossipcop.com).


Updated 8th March 2013.
Here's the video featuring Nicki. French Montana, Nicki Minaj—"Freaks" (idolator.com). The pastied boobs pop in around 1:08.

Recent/related stories:

J-Woww Farley duct-taped her boobs for NOH8

Jenni J-Woww Farley duct-taped her boobs for NOH8 (celebuzz.com) …

And flashed some serious side boob in Sin City (egotastic.com).

Recent/related stories:

Kristen Stewart ignoring texts from Rupert Sanders

Kristen Stewart ignored texts from soon-to-be-divorced Rupert Sanders (celebrity.uk.msn.com).

"Rupert Sanders is reportedly hoping to rekindle his relationship with Kristen Stewart but she is not interested."

I bet there's a lot of tongue wiggling in the video calls Rupe's been trying to leave for her too.

Recent/related stories:

Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders apologise for affair (Pick of the Week, 30th July 2012).
Cheryl Cole showed some cheek with Girls Aloud in London

Cheryl Cole showed some cheek with Girls Aloud in London (hotcelebshome.com).

Recent/related stories:

Karina Derizans, Miami Beach

Karina Derizans gave some ass-tastic bikini candids at Miami Beach (hotcelebshome.com).

Further proof that Miami really is the place to be at the moment! Oh, well. We have Southend-on-Sea at least.


.:: Top column 2 ::.
Vanessa Hudgens snorting coke off mystery boobs in Spring Breakers

No, it's not Selena Gomez's titties Vanessa Hudgens is snorting coke off in Spring Breakers! (egotastic.com).

"Despite swirls and swells about the Internet of the above picture depicting Vanessa Hudgens snorting lines of coke off of the bare chest of a topless Selena Gomez for a scene in Spring Breakers […] sadly, this is not Selena Gomez laying topless across the bed."

Whose are the mystery boobs?

Selena Gomez, Vanity Fair Oscar party

Here's Selena Gomez showing enough cleavage at Vanity Fair Oscar Party to remind you what you'll be missing (hawtcelebs.com).

Recent/related stories:

Keep on teasing! More Spring Breakers promo pics (Pick of the Week, 12th February).
Vanessa Hudgens' furry beaver had one helluva workout or she peed herself

Either Vanessa Hudgens' furry beaver had one helluva workout or she peed herself (egotastic.com).

Recent/related stories:

Vanessa Hudgens—Bush Play (Gallery, 25th February).
Miley Cyrus, Cosmopolitan International covers

Spot the difference: Miley Cyrus, Cosmopolitan International covers (hawtcelebs.com).

Recent/related stories:

Miley Cyrus went braless for Cosmopolitan (Pick of the Week, 28th January).
Miss Delaware Teen USA, Melissa King, resigns after porn video controversy

Miss Delaware Teen USA Melissa King resigned after porn video controversy (huffingtonpost.com).

You can catch some sticky stills and a link to the actual porn video here (egotastic.com).

Arts, tech. & funnies

Maldon unable to afford Beyonce for summer carnival

Beyoncé wanted £50,000 fee to attend Essex carnival (thesun.co.uk).

"They had wanted a big name at this summer's bash and ambitiously invited singers Britney Spears and Rod Stewart—and even the QUEEN. So when Beyonce, 31, was the only one to reply the Maldon Carnival Association in Essex couldn't believe its luck."

Believe me, Essex carnivals are more a tinsel and egg boxes sort of thing. Flippen' hell! We paid less to the Vikings at the Battle of Maldon in 991AD!

French Maid Brits top dress-up fantasy

French Maid is frisky Brits number one dress-up fantasy (thesun.co.uk).

"Technical glitch" sees photo of naked woman flash up during church sermon

"Technical glitch" sees photo of naked woman flash up during church sermon (mirror.co.uk).

"It appears that a technical glitch accidentally caused an inappropriate image from the internet to appear momentarily on the screen."

Yeah, I've used that one when porn has popped up in a slideshow too. It just sorta jumped on to the hard drive when I wasn't lookin', honest. More tea, Vicar?

River Thames crocodile was Bond movie prop

Crocodile spotted in River Thames turned out to be James Bond movie prop (telegraph.co.uk).

Lara Croft returns

Lara Croft, the changing face—and other bits—of the Tomb Raider star (tech.uk.msn.com).

"The latest instalment of the Tomb Raider series hits the shops on 5 March and the newest ‘form’ of Lara Croft got us thinking about all the different variations of gaming's most famous heroine."

Trivia:

Ian Livingstone CBE, co-creator of Games Workshop and those Fighting Fantasy choose your own adventure books is Life President of Eidos (Tomb Raider creator acquired by Square Enix, in 2009) and served as Executive Chairman of Eidos plc from 1995 until 2002, helping to secure many of the company's major franchises including Lara Croft:Tomb Raider and Hitman.

Toby Gard, Croft's creator, was inspired by pop artist Neneh Cherry and comic book character Tank Girl for the character, initially envisioning her as a tough South American woman named Laura Cruz.

And on a much more serious note

Friday 1st March was Self-Injury Awareness Day (metro.co.uk).

"Too often self-harmers seeking help in hospitals meet hostility or impatience."
Friday was the annual Self-Injury Awareness Day, highlighting concerns—and misconceptions—surrounding the estimated one in 200 who through emotional distress cause themself self-harm. Public figures that have revealed their own self-harm include Johnny Depp, Drew Barrymore, Demi Lovato and Olympic champions Dame Kelly Holmes and Victoria Pendleton.

Self-Injury Awareness Day occurs on 1st March every year, and has done so for well over a decade. You can find out more to help those you feel may be suffering at the Life Signs site (link in the Metro story).

Catch snaps & stories for next month’s picks daily in latest picks.

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Tags: Beyonce, Cheryl Cole, Karina Derizans, Jenni J-Woww Farley, Kim Kardashian, Kristen Stewart, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, Olivia Munn, Selena Gomez, Tulisa Contostavlos, Vanessa Hudgens.

Disclaimer:

Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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